Shortly after my miscarriage, my 5 year old prayed to his Heavenly Father to “please, please send us two baby girls.” He explained to me that there are too many boys in our family, and we need baby girls. It’s true…we have had a name for a baby girl since before we got married and I ache to dress up a baby girl in pink dresses, and play Barbie’s with her. And, the girls are extremely outnumbered in our family!
For me, I feel mostly healed. I still hide any pregnancy related post on Facebook. I still tear up occasionally and think about all the hopes, plans and dreams I had formed for my baby. I imagine October 29th might be a hard day for me when it comes. It’s hard to let go.
But, most of the day I am happy. Most of the day I am wrestling with my boys and life is back to normal. The pain has dulled, but I know I will always have that look in my eyes when I tell someone of my loss.
I remember actually thinking sometime last year “I think I could handle a miscarriage…I don’t think it would be that hard.” And I was ignorant! Everyone who has never gone through one is ignorant. There is no way to know how incredibly painful and life altering a miscarriage is until you have one. There is no way to truly know how attached you are to that tiny embryo or fetus until it is gone.
If you know someone who is going through a miscarriage, hug them. Share your story if you have gone through the same thing. Offer to watch their children. Take them food. Keep asking if they are ok. They may seem normal, but there is still an ache there. Ask them what they need.
Don’t ignore them, or pretend it never happened. It hurts more to feel like no one cares about your loss than it does to talk about it.
Just knowing that others around me cared and were willing to help, helped me immensely. Just knowing that I had that support got me through the hardest times. Just knowing that others knew exactly how I felt and that I wasn’t alone gave me immense comfort. Please contact me if you need support…if you need to hear someone else’s story to know you are not alone.
It does get easier.