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Friday, June 1, 2012

On Miscarriage & Loss; Healing

Shortly after my miscarriage, my 5 year old prayed to his Heavenly Father to “please, please send us two baby girls.” He explained to me that there are too many boys in our family, and we need baby girls. It’s true…we have had a name for a baby girl since before we got married and I ache to dress up a baby girl in pink dresses, and play Barbie’s with her. And, the girls are extremely outnumbered in our family!

For me, I feel mostly healed. I still hide any pregnancy related post on Facebook. I still tear up occasionally and think about all the hopes, plans and dreams I had formed for my baby. I imagine October 29th might be a hard day for me when it comes. It’s hard to let go.

But, most of the day I am happy. Most of the day I am wrestling with my boys and life is back to normal. The pain has dulled, but I know I will always have that look in my eyes when I tell someone of my loss.

I remember actually thinking sometime last year “I think I could handle a miscarriage…I don’t think it would be that hard.” And I was ignorant! Everyone who has never gone through one is ignorant. There is no way to know how incredibly painful and life altering a miscarriage is until you have one. There is no way to truly know how attached you are to that tiny embryo or fetus until it is gone.

If you know someone who is going through a miscarriage, hug them. Share your story if you have gone through the same thing. Offer to watch their children. Take them food. Keep asking if they are ok. They may seem normal, but there is still an ache there. Ask them what they need.

Don’t ignore them, or pretend it never happened. It hurts more to feel like no one cares about your loss than it does to talk about it.

Just knowing that others around me cared and were willing to help, helped me immensely. Just knowing that I had that support got me through the hardest times. Just knowing that others knew exactly how I felt and that I wasn’t alone gave me immense comfort. Please contact me if you need support…if you need to hear someone else’s story to know you are not alone.

It does get easier.

4 comments:

  1. Okay, I think blogger ate my comment yesterday. Judy you are such a blessing to share your testimony here. I had a miscarriage about a year before I got pregnant with Little Bit. It was so hard, so painful, and something you cant explain unless you have experienced it. I've never been brave enough to share that loss on my blog. I know that God has graced me with peace about it but it still hurts. There was still a great loss. When I am asked to retell my story I still cry and I think I always will. If you ever need to let it out you know you can email me!!! Prayers for you sweet Judy. Have a blessed weekend and hug those beautiful boys tight <3

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  2. Awwwwwww ((hugs)) My brother and Sister in Law went through something similar. My sister in law was pregnant with twin girls, the week of Easter she just turned 28 weeks, went for a scan and one of the babies heartbeat stopped. For another month she carried both babies inside her tummy until she went into labour (32weeks). The deceased baby came first (baby Raylee)and then the alive one came second (baby Aroha). It was a happy yet sad moment for them. Baby aroha is now exactly one month old and has just recently been let out of hospital and is now doing well at home with mummy and daddy, she is such a sweet baby just eating and sleeping. Im so sorry to hear about your miscariage, it definitely is a hard thing to go through. Thinking of you at this time xoxo

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  3. More hugs to you. I know your testimony will be a blessing to many.

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